Parenting with government support
It can be easy to think there is one correct answer to all of life’s questions but I believe that through considerate yet passionate discussions we learn to consider other ideas and we grow, even if our own view doesn’t change.
Focussing on one right way or answer can lead to avoiding discussions in order to avoid disagreement, which is a shame because it means some people only ever see one side of a story.
I want to live a life full of consideration and discussion so that I mature in my thinking and understanding.
This blog addresses one of those sensitive situations that is unlikely to have a single right answer, but is worth thinking about and even discussing.
Scenario One:
I had a conversation with a lovely sole parent and she happened to mention that she wanted another baby. I can understand why; her child is adorable and she finds motherhood very fulfilling. I think this woman is doing a great job parenting. She relies on a benefit to support herself and her baby.
I am not a beneficiary basher. Benefits are an absolutely necessary safety net for our society. We have a society that attempts to protect people from absolute destitution and homelessness, which I am very glad of and support with passion.
However most people I’ve spoken to agree that the benefit is a safety net to cover an unforeseeable situation but deliberately planning another baby is contrary to the idea behind a benefit.
It got me thinking; is it morally right for someone who is not supporting themselves to decide to have more children?
A conversation overheard; Scenario Two:
A friend told me of a conversation she accidently overheard.
Someone was saying that with a large family it was too expensive to send the kids on camp and do extra-curricular activities.
The unsympathetic reply was “Well don’t have more children than you can afford”.
My friend was horrified by this lack of sympathy and support, but I can see the funny side of the response.
But the question that actually seemed to be under discussion was: If people have large families do they have the right to be upset if they can’t afford to do everything?
A Third Scenario
I once spoke with a man who believed that people on benefits should not be allowed to have more children (he was unclear on how to enforce this).
However his family received significant government support in the form of the “working for families” allowance and relied heavily on this.
He saw this as being completely different from a benefit and likened it to getting tax back, as he was employed full time. His family decided to have more children while getting this allowance.
Interestingly some people I’ve spoken to see this as similar to the first situation, he was getting money from the government to help support his children, yet he decided to have more.
This seems to be more socially acceptable, but the questions are;
Is it morally right to decide to have children and expect the government to support this financially even if it is just a little support?
Is it morally right to judge people on a benefit who do the same but to a greater extent?
My thoughts
I have no answers.
As a childfree woman some would say I am not entitled to have an opinion at all, but here I am, “opinioning” away.
Everyone seems to have a different take on the right to have children and the responsibility of society to support them.
Funnily enough, all three situations I describe were involving Christians, and none of the participants saw their choices as in any way, relevant or contradictory to their faith.
All the children involved are loved and well looked after, yet what is best option, what is acceptable as a Christian and what is not?
Should we be saying that it’s not ok to expect others to support your kids?
Should we be teaching that it’s not ok to judge people on benefits?
Should we be encouraging people on benefits to take steps to become financially responsible for their families before having children?
Should Christians themselves be supporting Christian sole parents and people with children rather than expecting the government to do it?
Or should we refrain from having an opinion because it’s a sensitive subject?
It’s such a big topic but I believe it is truly one Christians should be thinking about and maybe even discussing, in the light of their faith and in regard to their own situations.
KG
Comments