Some days are just hard
Today has been a challenge from the moment I woke up – rudly startled from slumber by my alarm at 6:45am. As I jerked awake, flailing for the alarm I realised that today my toe joints were deciding to get in on the pain game. Getting out of bed was hard, not just my toes giving me grief but my fingers and back have been consistently painful – one of the many joys of rheumatoid arthritis, as I understand it.
Also the bread had gone moldy so that was breakfast scuppered. Today is also the day I lower my steroid dose (it is apparently very bad to stay on them long term) so I dread to think how much worse things might get when my body realises there is less in my bloodstream than expected.
As I struggled through the fun of dressing and getting out the door I allowed myself one moment of joy in an otherwise grey and joyless morning; I cuddled our new cat Muffin.
She is little and soft, and very cuddle-able and as I inhaled her soft kitty smell, and kissed her little black head I had a moment to remember there is good in this horrible world.
I am trying so hard to get better, I am taking my medication, seeing the doctor fortnightly, taking fish oil and multivitamins, eating heaps of fruit and veges and doing small regular amounts of exercise as the pain allows.
Some days are great, and some days are not so great, this morning’s colossal effort just to get out the door as an example.
The good coming out of the bad
But in the midst of all this effort to get healthy, and in the midst of the pain and nuisance of this illness I have found some real moments of clarity and some incredible insights into my spirituality.
For those I can indeed be grateful and say that all this is worth it, for the good that has come out of the pain and the good that will come in future because of this momentary setback. I am honestly grateful for this illness, at least when I look at the big picture.
From this period illness I have:
Learnt to put my health first – to focus on what my body needs is not selfish, it is sensible and is the right thing to do. If you want to get all religious about it, you could even call it being a good steward of the resource I have been given.
Found that reading the bible daily is necessary for me to be emotionally healthy. It stops me being bogged down in today’s issue. When we are in pain it is natural to start to think that because today is horrible and painful, then all of life is terrible and not worth living. It lets me see a different perspective and reminds me that today is just one small piece of the puzzle, not the whole picture.
Been reminded of the power our words hold, that when I speak negativity everything in my life starts to gravitate towards that, but when I speak positivity (especially the positive statements I find in the bible) then my life starts to respond to that positivity.
So to put these things into practise I sign off by saying:
I am going for a 10 minute walk right now, and then I will eat some blueberries
I am going to read a psalm of David – one of his angry ones where he demands God step in and sort things out, because that is my mood at the moment.
And I tell you boldly that I am the head and not the tail [Duet 28:13], God has good plans and a good future for me [Jer 29:11] and my strength WILL be renewed like the eagles [Is 40:31].
Lots of love
KG
Ps- if you are going through sickness or anything and you want me to pray for you, just ask. I love to pray and I really believe that God moves in response to our prayers. They work. Message me
Comments