4. My Life and My Conclusions
While thinking about the roles of men and women, the bible and the church I realise that it does bother me when Christian people are keen to make a judgement call on something, quite often without knowing the all the facts.
Eg some like to say “Well if you are not submitting to your husband then you are sinning”.
Christians are quite often taught not to speak out about something that doesn’t make sense to them, because by speaking out or asking for clarification they are often judged as disagreeing with the bible (or God).
All this discussion on the interpretation of submission, head of house etc is quite threatening to some Christians.
Once again I want to say that I love God, I believe the bible is true and I am simply trying to understand it and know more of God through discussion and questioning. Which has got to be a good thing right?
It struck me last night (as I tried to sleep but failed) that if I was to live my life exactly as I am now and I went to a church and told someone I was submitting to my husband then I would get approval. If I lived my life exactly as I am now and I went to a church and told someone I disagreed with the word submission then I would likely get a lecture.
YET the actual life I am living, my marriage and my relationship with God would not have changed. The only thing that was different was the words I spoke to another Christian.
Why do some Christians feel the need to censor others speech or look at the words rather than the actions? Or even better; Why do some Christians feel they are in a position to judge anyone else at all? Didn’t God say we are all sinners and we all fall short of the glory of God (so none of us is perfect).
When did Christians get so judgemental? When did it start being ok to offer your opinions on other people’s lives without being asked?
Another disclaimer: I know I am only speaking of some Christians, some are very non-judgemental but it does seem that the loudest ones are the judgy-est.
I have been taught to respect my elders, to listen to other people, to avoid conflict and to be nice. So in the past when a Christian in a church made a judgement about me, told me how to live my life or interfered in some unwelcome way I would smile politely (and then avoid them forever).
But no more! I pledge to you, my unknown reader that I will no longer accept judgements politely. I will no longer allow other people to give unasked for, unwelcome and rude opinions on how to live my life. I will say (very politely) PISS OFF NODDY!. No I won’t, that’s a bit too extreme. I will say (politely) “It is kind of you to think of me, but I didn’t ask for your advice on this issue”. Then I will walk away with my head held high.
I am sure that I will get plenty of flak for this. No one likes a woman who talks back (whereas people usually respect a man who stands up for himself – sexist!).
In summing up the Ephesians 5:21 to 33 discussion regarding submission and the roles of men and women in the church.
My personal key beliefs from all this are:
Husbands and wives are to show love to their spouses. Wives are specifically reminded to show respect to their husbands (which lots of men think is the same as showing love). Husbands are specifically reminded to show love to their wives.
Once you are married you are one, joint and together so showing love to your partner will be good for you too, similar to showing love to and looking after your own body.
Husbands and wives are both reminded to show this love to their OWN spouses.
There is no clear definition of what “head of the house” actually means biblically, in my opinion.
So if your marriage works for you. If both you and your spouse feel loved/respected and happy. Then I would say whatever you are doing, it is probably pretty biblical.
I have a rule of thumb; Jesus said that all the laws and commands could be summed up as “Love the Lord your God and love your neighbour as yourself”. Which is great, I don’t have to try to worry about every rule that orthodox Jew’s worry about (I think one is about not mixing cotton and wool in your clothing for example).
So if you have a healthy relationship, you are loving and respecting your partner (in a way they recognise as love), and you are loving God; then I think the whole submission/head of the house thing is a bit redundant.
But that’s just my opinion. (You never know, I might be right)
KG
Comments