3. Biblical Veiw of Submission in Marriage?
For the sake of brevity I am picking out some verses that I think are most relevant to the submission, marriage discussion. At the end of this blog I have included the whole chunk of the bible I am looking at, but here I will be looking at individual verses.
I have looked at 2 different versions of the same part of the bible. The first is what I would consider a more old fashioned version (the New King James). The second is the more colloquial and everyday type language version (the message).
The bible was originally written in several different ancient languages, so any bible we read today has been interpreted and re-written into our language. Each person or group interpreting does their best to give an honest fair interpretation but often different people will interpret differently. So it is sometimes helpful to look at several interpretations of the bible to get a good range of views and to see the differences and similarities between them.
Ephesians chapter 5, verse 21(Eph 5:21) in the New King James Version (NKJV) says “submitting to one another….”, while in the Message it says “…be courteously reverent to each other”. To me this implies that submission is at least partly just courteous reverence with no implication of servitude.
Eph 5:22 NKJV says “wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord”. This makes me wonder if the word “own” matters here, as in wives submit to your OWN husbands, don’t be going about saying how wonderful someone else’s husband is and how you want to run your household based on his ideas. There are few things as destructive to a marriage in my opinion than a wife saying someone else’s husband is better than her own. Talk about tearing your partner down and hurting him.
Eph 5:21 in the Message says “..understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ”. This would also line up with my thought about your OWN husband, show your husband support and understanding, he needs it.
In verse 23 the NKJV talks about headship but the Message talks about leadership.
Verse 24 sees the NKJV again specify that wives are to be to their OWN husbands in everything. The message says wives are to submit to their husbands.
Verse 25 in both versions are telling husbands to love their wives, massively with everything they have.
Ephesians 5:28 NKJV says “husbands ought to love their OWN wives as their OWN bodies…”. The Messages agrees with husbands loving their wives with giving not getting (in earlier verses). Both versions at the end of verse 28 talk about a wife and husband being so close its like they are part of one body and when husbands look after their wives they are looking their own body.
Once again I wonder if this emphasis on own wife/own husband, the same body is actually an emphasis on the fact that you need to be thinking only of your wife or husband (not anyone else’s) as you are one together.
In verse 33 the part that strikes me is that the NKJV talks about husbands loving wives, but wives respecting husbands. The Message talks about men loving their wives but wives honouring their husbands. Isn't honour another way of saying respect?
My personal belief is that the bible is telling both parties to love each other but in language they understand. I have read that in a survey women said that they would rather have their husbands love than his respect. But men said they would rather have respect than love BUT most of the men surveyed had a hard time answering, because to them respect meant that the wife loved him.
While I am certainly no scholar I do wonder if the word that has been interpreted as submission in modern English is actually referring to the need a man has for his wife to respect him and to show respect because that is how he interprets love. Not a command for wives to be submissive and let the husbands make all decisions.
I am also wondering if this passage actually refers a lot to faithfulness between a husband and a wife. Both in emotion as well as body. No man I know would like to have his wife not respect him, but did say she respected another man.
What do you think?
KG
Ephesians 5:21 to 33 New King James Version (NKJV)
21 submitting to one another in the fear of God.
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.
24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.
31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Ephesians 5:21 – 33 The Message Version
21 Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another.
22-24 Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.
25-28 Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage.
29-33 No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That’s how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become “one flesh.” This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.
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