Introverts Unite – Separately in Your Own Homes !
I have been thinking a lot about introversion and extraversion and what this means for Christmas and for finding a church.
I am a raging introvert. Which is a lot less noisy than a raging extravert!
I like to do outrageous things with my days off, like read a book with a cat on my lap. I can’t speak for all introverts, but for me I find human interactions to be exhausting.
This was exacerbated by having M.E. for years and finding everything exhausting. While I had M.E. I had to look at my activities and ruthlessly cut out anything that was too tiring and this included almost all social activities. Now as I am still recovering and finding my feet in the real world, I am having to think about which activities to add back into my life.
To explain M.E. I like to say everyone wakes up in the morning with $100 worth of energy. Then eating breakfast costs a normal person $1 of energy, but for an M.E. person it costs:
$1 of energy to get out of bed
$1 to make your way to the kitchen
$1 to pour the cereal
$1 to put the milk back in the fridge
$1 to actually consume breakfast
$1 to put your dishes by the sink
So just eating breakfast has made you tired (with an energy cost 6x a healthy person) and your energy is depleted before you even leave the house.
The husband is a bit of an extravert, so he gets energy from being in fun social situations. This can cause a bit of conflict but overall I LOVE that we are opposites in this. When we discuss things we bring a completely different perspective to the table, and we can help each other understand the opposite points of view.
For example, the husband was working with a raging introvert and he felt like she didn’t like him because she wasn’t giving off extravert signals that he could read. But when he told me the situation I saw immediately that she really did like him and respect him and was clearly saying so in introvert ways. It was hilarious having that conversation and finding out that he truly didn’t see what looked so obvious to an introvert.
For Christmas it means that I am very hesitant about visiting people, even family. The only human interaction that does not deplete me is when I am staying with my immediate family, where mum looks after me and I don’t have to be polite to anyone. (They’re family!). But visiting extended family is scary and tiring. Visiting the husbands family is terrifying and exhausting.
For the past 3 years I have worked Christmas day to avoid having to do anything too social and I have found it very peaceful at work with no one else there.
This Christmas I have a legitimate reason to stay at home, while officially I am not “working” the public holidays or the weekends I am unofficially on call. I have looked at the past weekends when I am not “working” and found that over 50% of the time I am called to fix something in the lab, or test something urgent. I have serious doubts that I can leave the region for 4 days in a row without being called back in for an emergency.
Update here 20-12-14 - I have just found out that our New Plymouth lab is closed over the holidays for a couple weeks, so there will be no one else in the reigon to cover, so now I am officially on call over the holidays. No choice and can't leave the area. But thats fine..... so long as nothing too major comes up :)
So I am having Christmas at home, by myself with the cats. And I’m quite looking forward to it. I will have lots of books, lots of food and no reason to get out of my pjs (until I get a call from work of course). Extraverts are horrified that I will be alone and want to fix it. But for me this is not something to be fixed, it is something to be celebrated.
I have realised this introversion has also affected my search for a church home.
For a start there is part of me that would rather not go outside my nice home and have to interact with people (disgusting!).
When visiting new churches there is also a very real fear that someone will corner me and talk me to death (this may actually be a possibility for introverts).
On the other hand I may pick a church based solely on the fact that no-one talked to me at all. The members may actively dislike me, but I could mistake it for a great sign that they don’t talk to me. Or I will seek out a church full of introverts because I feel comfortable and they understand me.
A church full of introverts would be severely limited. That church would be so peaceful and thoughtful. There would be deep thinking about the bible and slow discussions of theology. But would that church ever go out and help its community for fear of the human socialisation aspect. Will that church have the capacity to explain their beliefs succinctly to extroverts?
It all comes back to that word diversity. I suspect I need to find a church with a nice balance of introverts and extraverts. The mix is needed for a church to function healthily I believe.
So I will fight my natural instincts and keep looking for the balance.
KG
PS – Also as a side note, if your church sees introverts as a problem rather than a benefit they will miss out on everything the introvert world has to offer. Diversity in all things!
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